We all have Stories – Including Therapists

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I listen to stories for a living. It’s important work. The stories are important and so are the clients who tell them, which is why we, at the Montfort Group, are dedicating the first part of 2018 to blogging about our own stories, and those that have moved us. We all have stories – including therapists. And today, this therapist’s story is that she can’t stand writing. I’d rather drop to the floor and grunt through 50 push-ups than write. But here I am with a deadline to meet by … Read More

When Family Hurts

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As a child, I remember embarking on wonderful adventures, often played out in my head, traveling distant worlds, battling evil sorcerers, and casting out demons. I related to the hero in the timeless comic strip Calvin & Hobbes. Although I wasn’t nearly as mischievous as him, I related to his longing for freedom, his innocent love of adventure, and the promise of a better world. In my family, the casting out of demons wasn’t a setup for make-believe. It was a somewhat normal affair. We believed in miracles and in … Read More

Stories Matter

Last year was difficult for many. It was filled with divisiveness, exclusion, and fear. However, I also noticed an increase in people working together, speaking up for tolerance and open-mindedness – something that takes a great deal of courage. As I think about the New Year, I feel optimistic.  I also feel a keen sense of urgency and obligation to be a source of healing within families and communities. To help clients listen effectively and speak courageously. We need more of this in 2018 and I am determined to ensure … Read More

Love and Fear in Parenting

So, I experienced a major parenting fail the other day. A parenting “ef up”, if you will. I wasn’t having the sort of week where I felt on top of academics, summer activities, nutrition, behavior, and temper tantrums. Those are fewer and further between when you’re, well, a human being leading a normal life. I was having the sort of week where everything bled into everything else. I wasn’t sleeping well, which in turn impacted my pace at work, which then made me feel even more tired and frustrated, which then affected my self-esteem, which sort of … Read More

Sex Does Not Drive You: Men in Love Part 2

There was a time when I thought that sex was a drive. Sexuality as something that drives behavior is the pervasive understanding of sex in psychology and our culture. As a man, as most men, there was a time when I thought that sex was driving me too. Now I know that this simple idea is wrong and damaging to all of us. Sex is not a drive. Many of the men I see do not question sexual desire or its function. To them it simply is, it simply exists … Read More

The Self Care Reality Check: I don’t really like yoga, and other confessions

When I tell people I’m a therapist, that too an Indian-American therapist, it is often assumed that I a) have this whole self-care thing figured out, and b) just can’t get enough of yoga. In truth, I’m not sure that yoga is my thing and self-care is something that I consistently grapple with. Let me start out by saying that this isn’t going to end in a list. I’m not going to guarantee an improvement in your mental or physical health through the application of one singular practice or action. … Read More

Staying Connected in Chaos

The days of stress and angst I felt as a working mom of two children still resonate with me all these years later. There was never enough time. Getting out the door in the morning was a challenge. There were many sleepless nights, a churn of nannies, daycare viruses and a husband who traveled 4 months out of the year. My to-do list was never complete no matter how hard I tried to keep it all together. Sound familiar? Looking back I ask myself how I got through it. The … Read More

Fearing Loss, Losing Connection: The Joy of Being Close Part 2

The truth is that loss is a part of life. It is as important as love, as important as security, as important as holding on to the things we value. Accepting loss gives us the power to change. If we accept the inevitability of loss, we free ourselves to feel vulnerable. And if we free ourselves to feel vulnerable, to fear losing, then we empower ourselves to examine what must change. And when we examine what must change, we enable the possibility that we can hang on to those we love. When we change, we heal. And when we heal, we love harder and longer and better.

Fostering Independence In Your Child

What does a drive to the airport and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich have in common? It turns out, everything. I remember the day like it was yesterday, well, mostly the anxiety. Okay, let me begin by revealing my secret up front. I’ve never loved driving. It always just seemed stressful to get behind the wheel, and I wasn’t all that excited when I learned how to drive. I think my parents expected me to beg to get behind the wheel like most sixteen-year-olds, but I was ambivalent at … Read More

Complicate Your Sexuality: Men in Love Part 1

Dr. Kinsey’s new series on relationship health is called the Joy of Being Close. In it he will explore the lessons his clients have taught him about intimacy, love, and romance.

Interview Your Therapist

The therapist-client relationship is a unique bond based on trust, safety, collaboration, and communication. It’s okay to ask your therapist questions beyond the logistics of fees and scheduling. Here are some “interview” questions to consider when you attend your first session. 1. What is your philosophy? Because of training, education background, and personality, therapists often connect with a particular theory (or multiple) to help inform their work. You could ask, “what’s your theory?” but asking about a philosophy will give you a much richer response. For instance, some therapists will … Read More

Love Is Easy: The Joy of Being Close Part 1

Dr. Kinsey’s new series on relationship health is called the Joy of Being Close. In it he will explore the lessons his clients have taught him about intimacy, love, and romance.

Love Is The Great Part.

Today, my heart is full of gratitude as I think about the great part about being a therapist. Love. Love is the great part. Teaching love, watching love, practicing love, believing love. These are all necessary to effective therapy. It is in misunderstood feelings that we teach love. It is in moments of sacrifice and forgiveness that we watch love. It is in painful circumstances that we practice love. And it is in desperate times that we believe love. Love is the hardest and most rewarding work we humans can … Read More

Four Life Changing Relationship Tools Every Person Needs

Relationships are personal, unique and somewhat unpredictable. They can be your greatest joy and your biggest heartache. The tools below are all difficult to do consistently, but practice these more often and watch how they directly affect the quality of your relationships. 1. Show up. Showing up to a relationship may seem like a no-brainer, but there are relationships out there that simply don’t spend enough time together. They either work too much, stay too busy with their kid’s activities or stay locked into their phones or television screens. Being … Read More

Picking Up The Pieces – Post Election

Being an actual person this week has been a challenge, let alone a therapist who is supposed to help others process their feelings. I promised myself that I would be strong no matter what the election outcome was. I told myself that I needed to get up, get dressed, go to work, and go about my business as usual. A different feeling crept over me on Wednesday, though. It is one I am all too familiar with—fear. Before I am a student, therapist, friend, partner, or daughter, I am a … Read More