Interview Your Therapist

The therapist-client relationship is a unique bond based on trust, safety, collaboration, and communication. It’s okay to ask your therapist questions beyond the logistics of fees and scheduling. Here are some “interview” questions to consider when you attend your first session. 1. What is your philosophy? Because of training, education background, and personality, therapists often connect with a particular theory (or multiple) to help inform their work. You could ask, “what’s your theory?” but asking about a philosophy will give you a much richer response. For instance, some therapists will … Read More

Love Is Easy

Dr. Kinsey’s new series on relationship health is called the Joy of Being Close. In it he will explore the lessons his clients have taught him about intimacy, love, and romance.

Love Is The Great Part.

Today, my heart is full of gratitude as I think about the great part about being a therapist. Love. Love is the great part. Teaching love, watching love, practicing love, believing love. These are all necessary to effective therapy. It is in misunderstood feelings that we teach love. It is in moments of sacrifice and forgiveness that we watch love. It is in painful circumstances that we practice love. And it is in desperate times that we believe love. Love is the hardest and most rewarding work we humans can … Read More

Four Life Changing Relationship Tools Every Person Needs

Relationships are personal, unique and somewhat unpredictable. They can be your greatest joy and your biggest heartache. The tools below are all difficult to do consistently, but practice these more often and watch how they directly affect the quality of your relationships. 1. Show up. Showing up to a relationship may seem like a no-brainer, but there are relationships out there that simply don’t spend enough time together. They either work too much, stay too busy with their kid’s activities or stay locked into their phones or television screens. Being … Read More

Picking Up The Pieces – Post Election

Being an actual person this week has been a challenge, let alone a therapist who is supposed to help others process their feelings. I promised myself that I would be strong no matter what the election outcome was. I told myself that I needed to get up, get dressed, go to work, and go about my business as usual. A different feeling crept over me on Wednesday, though. It is one I am all too familiar with—fear. Before I am a student, therapist, friend, partner, or daughter, I am a … Read More

Round and Round We Go – the Enemy Dance in a Couple Relationship

(Disclaimer: Names and any identifying information has been changed) Several weeks ago, I met with a couple – Mary and Bob – I hadn’t seen in a month. “So how are things going, I asked wanting to check in before we got started. “I think we’ve taken five steps back from the last time we saw you,” said Bob. “We seem to argue about the same things we did a few months ago. It’s exhausting. I just can’t win.” His wife was quick to point out that if he would … Read More

Deserving Therapy

Do you need a specific reason to go to therapy? The answer might surprise you. We all have those wonderful friends. You know, the ones you won’t see for weeks or months but still make you feel like not a day has passed since your last reunion? Several months ago, a college friend and I finally nailed down a specific date and time to meet. It was a miracle with our hectic lives. As if on the brink of bursting, we collapsed in our café chairs and immediately fell into … Read More

5 Principles in Sexual Dysfunction

1. Sometimes things don’t work the way you want. Nine out of ten of my clients have outrageous sex-expectations. They expect to have “good” sex every time. Or they expect that their body will respond every time, even most of the time. Their definition of “good” sex is electric orgasm – a definition I find to be limiting and problematic, particularly in long-term, monogamous relationships. There are many reasons why so many of us have great sex-expectations, but here’s the truth. Sometimes penises don’t get hard, and vaginas don’t lubricate. … Read More

Resistance

As a doctoral student and therapist, I constantly come across challenging material. I have learned that my coursework is far more than a checklist of assignments, papers, and projects. It enhances my practice by exposing me to new ideas. It keeps me inquisitive, and it fosters a thirst for knowledge that can never quite be satisfied. A professor recently assigned a project that completely changed my perspective on cultural competency and professional responsibility. My cohort was asked to write an in-depth paper about a group we felt resistant toward. For … Read More

What Is Sex Therapy?

People often ask me: “So what exactly do you do?” I’m always happy to answer this question, but I have found that there is not a simple answer. The simplest answer is that, as a licensed professional counselor who focuses on sex therapy, I talk to clients about their sexual issues in a counseling setting. The complexity of an answer becomes apparent when you take into account the enormity of difference between common sexual issues as well as the amount of training in which I’ve participated to be able to … Read More

The Montfort Group welcomes Dr. Lee Kinsey

We, at The Montfort Group, feel privileged to announce that Dr. Lee Kinsey, noted relationship counselor and sex therapy expert, will be joining our practice. He has a strong reputation in the Dallas community and will prove to be a much needed and appreciated addition to our group. Dr. Kinsey has extensive training in the art of sex therapy. In addition to his graduate studies where he specifically studied and practiced sex therapy, he actively conducted research on human sexual development, and he regularly speaks, teaches, and writes on the … Read More

The First Session: An Interview with a Male Client

I can speak to therapy as a professional (and I often do, as my friends, family, and partner will probably roll their eyes and tell you), but sometimes the most interesting perspective on the process can be offered by clients. Therapy can indeed be an intimidating endeavor. Many clients have expressed that just the thought of opening up to someone unfamiliar prevented them from coming in sooner. I decided to dig deeper into this perspective, and I was especially curious about what male clients experience. After all, we do live … Read More

Chaos.

The last few days have been difficult, to say the least. Our world is in pain. On many levels, we are witnessing chaos. It can be hard to process emotionally and even, intellectually, all of the violence here at home and abroad. There are many passionate opinions, devastating details, and suggestions for solutions. But, the problem seems too big to solve in one dogmatic article, one particular president, or even one specific religion. I am a firm believer in the statement, “chaos precedes change.” Historically, there have been countless paradigm … Read More

Pressing Pause

It was a mundane Monday evening. My hair was in a messy bun atop my head. My arms were elbow deep in dishes. It was a night like so many others. Every hour was occupied, every moment planned. In that quiet moment my mind began to drift. I wondered what was happening to us. In our brief serene moments, we made big plans that we would promptly cancel when the pace picked up again. We broke our own rules. We made exceptions. “No phones at dinner” became “No phones, unless … Read More

Roller Coasters and Concrete

The Texas Giant. What a roller coaster. The new one is simply my favorite. You know that moment before you get on when you debate the risk and excitement? You get on next to some stranger and watch them buckle in. You look at the cement next to you and think, “I could just get off now if I wanted. Maybe I’ll ask this guy to let me squeeze by him and just exit for now. I’m not ready. That hill looks awfully steep. Wonder if anyone has ever died … Read More