Fearing Loss, Losing Connection: The Joy of Being Close Part 2

The truth is that loss is a part of life. It is as important as love, as important as security, as important as holding on to the things we value. Accepting loss gives us the power to change. If we accept the inevitability of loss, we free ourselves to feel vulnerable. And if we free ourselves to feel vulnerable, to fear losing, then we empower ourselves to examine what must change. And when we examine what must change, we enable the possibility that we can hang on to those we love. When we change, we heal. And when we heal, we love harder and longer and better.

Complicate Your Sexuality: Men in Love Part 1

I think about my own sexuality every day. Some days it feels like a struggle. Some days it feels like an after thought. Some days it feels like a necessity that cannot be ignored. Male sexuality is an interesting mix of urge, anxiety, creativity, romance, restraint, and, yes, love. I am consistently challenged to help men understand the complexity of their sexuality. As men, we are socialized to believe that our sexual impulse is rather simple and, because of that simplicity, animalistic. We are encouraged to accept this state of … Read More

Love Is Easy

Ever since I can remember, I have longed for true love, for unbridled romance and intimacy, for a mate that understands and accepts but also challenges. I was a loving kid. Most kids are. I can remember crying to Fievel and his sister’s song “Somewhere Out There” in the cartoon classic American Tail. As a small child I understood that love and connection were so important and so difficult to lose. It’s easy for a child to trust and to love. They are keenly aware of what most adults forget: … Read More

Love Is The Great Part.

Today, my heart is full of gratitude as I think about the great part about being a therapist. Love. Love is the great part. Teaching love, watching love, practicing love, believing love. These are all necessary to effective therapy. It is in misunderstood feelings that we teach love. It is in moments of sacrifice and forgiveness that we watch love. It is in painful circumstances that we practice love. And it is in desperate times that we believe love. Love is the hardest and most rewarding work we humans can … Read More

Four Life Changing Relationship Tools Every Person Needs

Relationships are personal, unique and somewhat unpredictable. They can be your greatest joy and your biggest heartache. The tools below are all difficult to do consistently, but practice these more often and watch how they directly affect the quality of your relationships. 1. Show up. Showing up to a relationship may seem like a no-brainer, but there are relationships out there that simply don’t spend enough time together. They either work too much, stay too busy with their kid’s activities or stay locked into their phones or television screens. Being … Read More

Round and Round We Go – the Enemy Dance in a Couple Relationship

(Disclaimer: Names and any identifying information has been changed) Several weeks ago, I met with a couple – Mary and Bob – I hadn’t seen in a month. “So how are things going, I asked wanting to check in before we got started. “I think we’ve taken five steps back from the last time we saw you,” said Bob. “We seem to argue about the same things we did a few months ago. It’s exhausting. I just can’t win.” His wife was quick to point out that if he would … Read More

5 Principles in Sexual Dysfunction

1. Sometimes things don’t work the way you want. Nine out of ten of my clients have outrageous sex-expectations. They expect to have “good” sex every time. Or they expect that their body will respond every time, even most of the time. Their definition of “good” sex is electric orgasm – a definition I find to be limiting and problematic, particularly in long-term, monogamous relationships. There are many reasons why so many of us have great sex-expectations, but here’s the truth. Sometimes penises don’t get hard, and vaginas don’t lubricate. … Read More

What Is Sex Therapy?

People often ask me: “So what exactly do you do?” I’m always happy to answer this question, but I have found that there is not a simple answer. The simplest answer is that, as a licensed professional counselor who focuses on sex therapy, I talk to clients about their sexual issues in a counseling setting. The complexity of an answer becomes apparent when you take into account the enormity of difference between common sexual issues as well as the amount of training in which I’ve participated to be able to … Read More

The Montfort Group welcomes Dr. Lee Kinsey

We, at The Montfort Group, feel privileged to announce that Dr. Lee Kinsey, noted relationship counselor and sex therapy expert, will be joining our practice. He has a strong reputation in the Dallas community and will prove to be a much needed and appreciated addition to our group. Dr. Kinsey has extensive training in the art of sex therapy. In addition to his graduate studies where he specifically studied and practiced sex therapy, he actively conducted research on human sexual development, and he regularly speaks, teaches, and writes on the … Read More