Complicate Your Sexuality: Men in Love Part 1

I think about my own sexuality every day. Some days it feels like a struggle. Some days it feels like an after thought. Some days it feels like a necessity that cannot be ignored. Male sexuality is an interesting mix of urge, anxiety, creativity, romance, restraint, and, yes, love. I am consistently challenged to help men understand the complexity of their sexuality. As men, we are socialized to believe that our sexual impulse is rather simple and, because of that simplicity, animalistic. We are encouraged to accept this state of … Read More

Love Is Easy

Ever since I can remember, I have longed for true love, for unbridled romance and intimacy, for a mate that understands and accepts but also challenges. I was a loving kid. Most kids are. I can remember crying to Fievel and his sister’s song “Somewhere Out There” in the cartoon classic American Tail. As a small child I understood that love and connection were so important and so difficult to lose. It’s easy for a child to trust and to love. They are keenly aware of what most adults forget: … Read More

5 Principles in Sexual Dysfunction

1. Sometimes things don’t work the way you want. Nine out of ten of my clients have outrageous sex-expectations. They expect to have “good” sex every time. Or they expect that their body will respond every time, even most of the time. Their definition of “good” sex is electric orgasm – a definition I find to be limiting and problematic, particularly in long-term, monogamous relationships. There are many reasons why so many of us have great sex-expectations, but here’s the truth. Sometimes penises don’t get hard, and vaginas don’t lubricate. … Read More

What Is Sex Therapy?

People often ask me: “So what exactly do you do?” I’m always happy to answer this question, but I have found that there is not a simple answer. The simplest answer is that, as a licensed professional counselor who focuses on sex therapy, I talk to clients about their sexual issues in a counseling setting. The complexity of an answer becomes apparent when you take into account the enormity of difference between common sexual issues as well as the amount of training in which I’ve participated to be able to … Read More