Wondering if your relationship can heal after an affair?
For those of you who have been cheated on, you know what I’m talking about. The constant, gnawing, gut-wrenching awareness that you’re not special anymore, that you’ve been abandoned for someone prettier, smarter, sexier than you. For those of you who were betrayed by your best love, this experience is devastating.
It sends the betrayed into a spiral of self-doubt, wondering about their worth, unable to completely trust well until healed. And it sends the betrayer into a similar whirlwind in their struggle to come to grips with how they’ve hurt another (usually accidentally).
Healing from an affair is a messy business. We try to help each relationship no matter the circumstances. For the betrayed, rebuilding the ability to trust. For those who cheated, rebuilding their trustworthiness. These things take an exorbitant amount of courage, patience, and time well-spent to accomplish, but couples counseling can help!
But it is possible. In some cases, you may learn that you do not need to be in a relationship with someone who is not willing to change or grow. In the cases of so many of our clients, we often see them making a commitment to a process of change and growth. Because they make that commitment, not only do they change and grow as individuals, their relationship becomes better than before.
If each commits to the process, it is long and arduous, mostly because it requires compassion to complete. Compassion for the betrayed. Compassion for the one who strayed. Compassion for the outside party, whoever they are. It takes time for each person to get to a place of compassion, so it takes time to heal.
Compassion and forgiveness are not the same. Compassion is necessary for healing. Forgiveness is not. But forgiveness may be necessary to restore a sense of trust to bridge the divide the betrayal opened. Each case is different in how it must be approached, but being able to reach a place of compassion is necessary no matter what.
If you are struggling to find and feel compassion for your partner in the aftermath of an affair, we hope you’ll consider committing to a journey to find it and the healing it brings.
Recovering from an affair is a messy business. I struggle to help each relationship no matter the circumstances. For the cheated on, rebuilding the ability to trust. For those who cheated, rebuilding their trustworthiness. These things take an exorbitant amount of courage, patience, and time well-spent to accomplish.
More adults are becoming estranged from a family member. But, can we find a different way? Laurie Poole weighs in.
Couples seek counseling for many reasons – sometimes it’s for a “tune-up” or for help with a particular situation. The four most common complaints I see in my practice are about communication, conflict, infidelity and physical intimacy.
